


How to Cure the Hiccups

by kylee



Category: Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead - Stoppard
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-30
Updated: 2011-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-25 02:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/270653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylee/pseuds/kylee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rosencrantz is a helper. (Written for <a href="http://gileonnen.livejournal.com/512838.html">Big Hamlet Ficathon 2011</a>.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Cure the Hiccups

Guildenstern hated hiccups. He hated his own flesh in mutiny against him, throat constricting in the middle of a syllogism. He hated how nothing but patience could cure them. He hated how  _undignified_  they were. But he could think of one thing worse than the hiccups, and that was bearing Rosencrantz's behaviour during them.

Rosencrantz told incomprehensible jokes. ("A Hindu, a Buddhist and a lion-tamer chanced to meet, in a circus on the Indo-Chinese border ...") He leapt on Guildenstern's back and covered his eyes. ("Guess who?! Oh, but now I don't know ...") He offered drinks of vinegar and sugar, frowning when Guildenstern swore and sputtered. 

So Guildenstern had a guess as to the cause, when he opened the door to their shared rooms and was assailed by a handkerchief dangling from a bit of string. Someone else might have noted how cunningly the handkerchief was tied to suggest the shape of a head, face coloured in with ink, with a body in a flowing skirt. Immediately Guildenstern tore it down and crumpled it to nothing.

" _What_ ," he demanded, "in God's name is  _this_?"

Rosencrantz peered out from around the side of his chair. "A ghost?"

"A ghost of what?"

"Of ... dread, I suppose. Dread and terror and other nasty things. Are you frightened?"

"Not a bit. Were I inclined to start at ghosts, and I am not ... " And then the mutinous  _hiccup_  came. He paused and crossed his arms. "As Socrates noted in the  _Phaedo_ , a ghost is only ..."  _Hiccup_. "Why won't you leave me alone?!"  _Hiccup_.

"You're unhappy. I don't want to leave you unhappy, do I?" Guildenstern was about to suggest that no one could answer that question but Rosencrantz himself and so it had not the least reason to be asked. But he hiccuped instead -- and Rosencrantz stood and took his friend by the shoulders, determined. "Let's try surprise again."

"It's hardly --"  _hiccup_  "-- a surprise --"  _hiccup_  "-- if you advertise --" 

Before he could finish Rosencrantz cut him off with lips pressed against his lips and stubble scratching his chin.  _Oh_ , Guildenstern thought and half-heard himself say. It was like solving a syllogism. 

"How was that?"

Guildenstern opened his mouth. No hiccups came, but that proved nothing. "Inconclusive."

"Well, I might have a joke -- do you know the one about St Paul? But no, that would give the punch-line --"

Hand tangling in Rosencrantz's collar, Guildenstern drew him down for another kiss.

  
  
  



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